So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
