Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
