I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize