I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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