Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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