Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
