P.S. I can't hear my feet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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