Sorry, I don't speak sober.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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