I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
