yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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