This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
