Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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