His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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