im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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