dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
