angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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