I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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