I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
