Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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