I like my sex mixed with concussions.
kristin has been a bad kristin
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
