I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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