So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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