Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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