Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
