I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
