She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
