If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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