the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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