I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
