Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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