you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
