the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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