Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
