yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
