just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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