evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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