Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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