I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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