My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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