last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
