we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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