Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
