I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
