I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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