I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
