Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
