If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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