You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
