So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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