Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
