I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
