i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
