I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
