I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
