you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
