If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
