Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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