I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
