I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
bring money and cleavage
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
