1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My room smells like vodka and shame
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize