You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
two words: eviction party
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
