his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
