I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
