Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
