Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
