i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
