Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
