I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
