I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
