remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
