why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
