can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
